Abusers and love the 2 do not got together

Domestic violence is not something that is talked about.

Its like its a taboo subject - see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Lets face it, domestic violence is not really the sort of thing you can just chat about over a bottle of wine with friends and out the world to rights over. And that's not any ones fault really, its hard when you have experienced DV to be able to talk about it, and its hard for people to listen. Which you can't blame people for its hard to know how to react, unless you are able to find someone who has experienced what you have or a similar situation.

Partner or Spousal Abuse Takes Away Your Life

I went through a horrific ordeal, which in a way I am still dealing with 10 years later. He nearly took everything in my life and my future away from me. And for that I truly hope he has been tormented with guilt, but I doubt it. I was deeply affected by what happened, and it has taken me a long time, not only to come to terms with what happened, but to truly be able to be able to feel like living again.So, I have decided to share my story in the hope it may help people in overcoming not only the ordeal but the aftermath too.

My ex-husband and I were high school sweethearts or should I say middle school. We started to date when we where only eighteen years old. He was my everything through high school. We broke up and got back together multiple times. I moved to Tennessee to esacpe him that should have been my warning sign but it wasnt., I let him talk me in to trying one more time to make it work, and it did for a while... Everything was going ok typical normal married life,, My ex decided he would go into the Army,

The first time my ex showed any kind of violence towards me is when he shoved me holding our son,it was the day he threw up to me he had paid for me to adopt our son... as I was arguing with him and he shoved us. The domestic and verbal abuse got worse. It went from shoving to punching me in back of head, face, and body. Anything I would say would be the reasoning behind me getting assaulted both verbally and physically. I had tried to leave him on multiple occasions. Some way I would break down and forgive him. I eventually got use to everything been my fault and that maybe my mouth deserved me getting the abuse He enlisted and was only home holidays and a few weeks a year, during those times things werent bad, I knew there was a problem but like an idiot thought love could fix it. biggest lie I ever told myself. no amount of love can change a person..the only think it can do is get you killed,

Growing up I thought I was strong, I thought I could always tell right from wrong. I still can't believe I allowed myself to once be in such an abusive relationship .Mom left us when I was 7 just walked out the door said we had ruined her life I grew up relying on love from anyone, Dad was also in the Army and while he was after Mom left we were moved from family to family whoever could afford us or would take us for a while, we moved 13 times not a very stable beginning but Dad did the best he could to keep us all....I gave my son everything I could possibly give him, love more than I knew Love more than I had ever thought existed within me, patience , my time , I lived my life for him, I then adopted again this time a lil girl she passed away at 7 months from a heart defect, I was in such a state at the time I buried all my pain , kept it inside, Fast forward 8 years hes home, abuse gets worse, I lose my Dad, my 2 brothers all in 7months time, I woke up one day and wanted to end it all , I just couldnt do it, I was a Mother to a boy that thought I was his world and I knew without a doubt he was mine and the last thing I would ever do is hurt him, he is what saved me, and still today he is my anchor, Ive since been blessed to adopt a lil girl shes now 9 , These 2 fill my life with love and joy beyond words , they fill in all the cracks where pain tries to seep out and take over, they willl never know how deep my love for them truly is,,, I live my life for them...

No woman should have to endure the pain and embarrassments that I went through. I feel it will help me by sharing my story.

.I've been strangled so much in the past that I don't like to wear shirts that touch my neck or small necklaces because it freaks me out. I've been locked in small rooms for hours..for days..locekd away from my family my friends from any contact with others with a small hole in the door so I could be watched. For fun he would steal my phone, take my money drive me to a bad part of the town we lived and drop me off just to see if I could make it home. Sometimes miles away and I walked it home cold rain snow you name it..I was married to someone who was turned on to the sound of me crying for help. I've been raped, and I've been beaten all by the same guy. Every aspect of my life was controlled. I wasn't allowed to have children of my own..I was told it was up to God if I had children but they wouldnt be by him, he had a vasectomy and I didnt know that until I was divorced... I had strong anti depressants shoved down my throat...because it was all MY fault that I was depressed...and in turn it made me numb to a lot of things.

The physical abuse was unimaginable..I've been the survivor of the following: black eyes (more than I can count), bloodied noses, broken hand, broken jaw ,broken arm 4 times, bending of fingers back, twisted arm, busted head,dragged across yard in the sleet (naked), kicked, pushed, strangled, bald spots from hair pulling, bloody legs, bloody eye, bloody nose, loss of a kidney due to being drop kicked, multiple hospital stays, trip after trip to the er until finally the state took it up and brought charges NONE of this is as bad as having your dignity ripped out of you, the feelings of having no control over your own life, the guilt of the fear of staying for fear of worse happening, the fear of sleeping at night, the nightmares that take you back to that time, I had memory regression therapy and I still cant sleep at nights, my house is like fort knox, I have security locks on every door, cameras at my gates, a gun in every room or close by, if a stranger out touches me from behind the reflex is to turn and fight back, I had this happen in the middle of a grocery store all becuz a lady wanted me to help her get something from a shelf,, granted its a little thing but its life altering, I have watched him shake the hands of local officers (Do they not care that the hand they are shaking has nearly killed me so many times? Yet, somehow, people like me have the cops after me for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, but he was doing this and people around him had no idea what goes on behind an outstanding Army serving citizen...I was too absorbed to do this but PLEASE anyone this is happening to do this..It's a manipulation that can not be explained. My word of "love and advice" to others going through this. Document. Create an email that is solely for the abuse. This way, you can quickly send it by your phone, delete from phone, and everything is not only documented, but dated. Screenshot his death threats, record conversations if you can, but document every bruise and every threat. Don't forget to delete out of your phone! Educate yourself. It's all you've got. I'm a stranger to you, but I care what happens to you You're NOT worthless. You are in this situation because you ARE a good, loving, person that has been taken advantage of. He KNOWS you are a good person. Cowards like him have to beat you in order to keep you, otherwise you would leave him, because you ARE better than him and he knows it! DONT stay out of fear I know its hard I know what goes thru your mind, NO person has the rights to lay a hand out of anger or pure pleasure of some sick kind on another human being,,it wont be easy 10 years and I'm still dealing with issues, 5 years jail time wasn't enough time but it was 5 years of some solidarity and peace and I'm praying for anyone in an abusive relationship seek help get out ,