Nana's gift

I miss you even though you’re not yet gone.

When I was a little girl you adopted me as your own when my own Mother didn''t want me you did, you were always there—never missing a special day or an event, always good for a hug that wrapped around my whole body and warmed me from the inside out. Smart and strong, someone to be depended on. A role model that any young girl would be grateful to have. You taught me that family was the most important thing. You showered all of us with time and attention, instead of things, knowing that later down the road, we would remember you coming to guys baseball games or to my dance classes with your camera and lots of hugs over any gift you could’ve ever given us.

You knew that now, all these years later, we would appreciate how many times you showed us you loved us just by being there. That our hearts would be full of memories that can never be erased. I couldn’t be more thankful for each and ever one of those memories.. and you were so right Nana....You were and are the strongest person I know. The steadiest person. The one that knew that life goes on, that there will be bumps and bruises, both physically and mentally. But at the end of the day, you approached life with a smile on your face and an understanding that life’s imperfections are what make it great.

And as I grew, I started to appreciate your example more and more. To lean on you for guidance and acceptance. To look to you for love and support, knowing there was no one on the planet that could hold me up quite like you. You are the glue that I think sometimes hold me together...You battled cancer. You battled your heart. You battled and won, in everything. I never doubted your strength. You were invincible. And yet when I got cancer you pretty much told me the exact same thing, that I was strong and that I had battled far worse with abuse and I had it in me to beat this , to take all the anger and fear I had against him and use that to beat cancer , you pushed me day in and day out just like you do now on the days I doubt life or when it all ends... you seemed invincible then and today to me you are still invincible.. but at times I begin to miss you and your still here...And yet I miss you now. You’re still so strong, even though your body is not as strong as your heart and soul You put on a good face, but I can see you doubting your own resolve. And it scares me. It scares me to see to hear you doubt yourself, when you’ve never doubted before. You

You’re no longer the perfect, idealized version of you I’ve always seen. You’re no longer invincible. But I love you now more than ever, now that I see how human you truly are. And yet you still provide the calm I need. You’re still my go-to. I still look up to you, even when my head tilts down to speak to you while your resting on the days you tire easily...And as I sit here and watch you sleep so peacefully , I'm afraid to leave here for even a few minutes...I’m afraid it will be the last time I see you. But as I leave, I’m also reminded of the powerful force you’ve been in my life for so many years. Still, I know I’ll see you soon, either in person or in a way you’ve influenced how I live. I don't think you even can begin to know the power of the most beautiful gift you have given to each of us so freely and that Nana is your unconditional love, the gift I know you have shared with me so freely and for that I'm thankful , you have taught me to love others in he same manner as I was loved as a child and that is unconditionally solely for who they are and nothing more... You are Nana and God couldn't have picked anyone better..I love you to the Moon and beyond to infinity and back 10 times a bazillion :) and that is just the beginning .....