Where I am

There is a gentle peacefulness in getting to where you hoped to be.

To have things fall into place the exact way you wanted them to fall together,

and to be in an easy satisfaction, the type that is embedded deeply in the inner parts of your soul.

Its interesting,

to put so much energy and thought and hopefulness into a goal,

and then to actually cross the finish line.

Now I'm looking back on it all,

grateful to have reached this point.

And there is a certain emptiness in what remains.

But not a desperate emptiness,

a void of despair..

but rather a pool of calm.

Self-actualized platform,

standing on the peak of the metaphorical mountain,

sailing out to sea into the sunset,

coming home after a long holiday...

It makes me wonder what is next.

Not as urgent to fill-in-the-blanks,

but not forgetting to savor any of the moments of the present.

Who knows...

I never expected the ending of something to really turn out to be the beginning of something else.

A long road traveled,

many miles in the rear-view mirror,

so much leaving,so much hurt and pain

all in the name of heading to where I am

In a way its every bit as magical and satisfactory as I hoped it to be. Washing over me, waves of soothing peacefulness.

Different then the places in life I've been

easily accepting of who I was in the moment,

and so accommodating of the person I was struggling to be.

This place allowed me to fall into the steady discomfort of figuring out who I was... and it protected me as I fought the daily grind.My battles in my heart and in my mind And revealed the things I needed to know at the pace I needed to discover them.

I am endlessly grateful for that experience. Because it has brought me to this place. A place I am worthy of this life and I have value to add to it, I never knew or felt that before..

The Now has proven to show me a different type of satisfaction.

In a way, being here has been validating of the person I have become.

It's allowed me to create my world instead of participate in it. Freedom and liberation from a lost self,

and I can move about it in the purest fashion.

No longer the threat of looming transition,

but a quiet whisper of,

"stay for a while, this is where you're supposed to be."

I now find myself waiting on the future,

instead of forcing myself to conjure it. "It won't be like this for long" mentality has gone away. Because I know I have finally arrived.

And it's causing time to flow as organically as I have ever experienced it.

Days filled with sunshine and fields of green,

and the beautiful sky lights..

the most therapeutic landscapes for a wandering gypsy like myself.

I can't help but think about a future nowadays,

which I have never allowed myself to dream of before.

Permanence and contentment are foreign travelers in my new world.

I welcome these visitors but stand awkwardly watching them from a distance,

the act as strangers I hope to gain trust from.

For someone who has naturally lived in a past,

it's flipping my world upside down to be coaxed into a future.

But as days pass,

and months pass,

years will also begin to slip away.

And whatever was once, has already become tiny specks of my history.

The strange feeling that nothing has ever existed before,

except for this.

I hope its the same for you,

when you get where you going.

You remember everything that brought you to where you are.

And every moment that seems stretched out and pointless,

has a clear meaning and purpose to your current existence.

And at some point you reach the understanding that it always had to be this way.

And the choices you made along the way were signs pointing you down this path.

And you remain brave as you navigate the unknown landscapes that decorate your world.

Remember that bravery is not the absence of fear,

but the creating of opportunity and experience amidst the things you are afraid of.

Don't worry,

loneliness is an expected side affect of transition.

Use it to examine yourself and work on creating a better version of self.

Be nicer to yourself too,

because you'll find that you're the only one truly in your corner,

and you're stuck with yourself,

so be your own best friend,

and resist the urge to be your worst enemy.I cant say I'm my own best friend but I can say Im working on it day by day I know if I cant have faith in myself how can anyone else have it in me>>?

Do you know what I mean?

Life is this unbelievable opportunity,

and while it is not always easy,

it's a gift to be cherished.

I am unspeakably grateful to have been in the places I have been,

and seen the things I have seen,

and experienced the people I have met along the way. Life teaches us the lessons we think are gonna drag us down but they actually lift us up show us a way out of where we are and to where we needs to be, its all in how we see it, took me the longest dam time to figure this part out, I was so convinced that God was just gonna let life continue to kill me a little each day and I was so wrong he taught me the hardest lesson of my life its called survival and once you survive the test your given there is NOTHING in this world after that you cannot defeat and rise from nothing...

For me,

it has been,

and will always be, this constant evolution of self.

Trying to live as the best version as possible at the point I'm at...

Patience will always be something I struggle with,

and I'm constantly needing to remind myself to slow down a little bit,

and also observe the natural beauty of my surroundings.

But I will never run in the opposite direction when faced with newness, and I will continue to seize the day.stand my ground and never let anyone drag me down again never.. And treat each new day that passes as a brand new start.Live it like its your last day :) And I accept the fact that I will always need change to fuel and to motivate and to inspire. Because some people are just this way. I accept that some changes are out of our control , and so much I dont understand but I accept it.

And love, I need that in my life its fuel for my soul,, Love The great and omnipotent force.I will never truly understand love,but I'm okay with this,because I know it's as necessary as oxygen to maintain living.To really and truly be alive is to have love.Its the essence of every single thing,and it's undeniable.Its everywhere all the time,and it's so important to practice love as often as you can.Because love creates a beautiful selflessness...And in order to be the best version,I know love will be a building block,held at the very core of who I am,and I want create a genuine integrity,and I want to find a connections with the people and things that surround me.And in order to do this,I must start with love.Just remember,even though it might be overwhelming right now...it all matters,and it will all fall into place soon.One moment one hour one day at a time , Gods time not mine :)