Its Never too Late

Today I was siting waiting to get some infusions and I pick up the paper and on the 2nd page I saw an article o domestic abuse, naturally it caught my attention being a survivor of abuse, so I'm sitting here reading this article and I could feel my blood pressure begin to soar, in this article it stated that 73% of women caused their partners to become abusive,And they stayed because a part of them felt they deserved it.. I let out a verbal and loud "what the hell" without even knowing it.. Said I'm sorry to those in the waiting room and kept reading this article.

First off who ever this person that wrote this article was not only an Idiot but a Narcissistic ASSHOLE>..!!

I lived that life I was abused by my spouse, NOT once was it provoked by me, this person was addicted to narcotics and PTSD from serving in the US Army, but this began far before that , I married a man that in the first 3 years began to be controlling. of where I went who my friends were, how I dressed, even down to when I could let my family visit,I tolerated some of this until it just began to be too much, maybe that was my first mistake but I was not going to let anyone keep me from seeing my family ,In the 2nd year of marriage, I adopted my son. then a year later my daughter , he joined the Army with a 4 year tour,in that time he would come home on leaves, holidays etc there was the aggressive behavior but no actual physical abuse, just verbal and emotional..3 tours and he retired from the Army. He came home life resumed and then I just knew things were about to take a turn for the worse.Love is NOT controlling Love is patient accepting kind and I know now this man NEVER loved me not even from the beginning and I cannot tell you how hard that is to accept that I was so desperate to be loved I fell for the lies the lie of love and I can honestly say its a bad bad feeling to know I was so stupid to fall into the trap I did... but I honestly didn't realize it until it was too late I was blinded by pain from things as a kid and I cant forgive my self for not seeing it... until you have lived that life you just cant know how it is and I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.. but this article just sent me back into that time, but...

A few months later I came home to the first of many beatings,it escalated to more often more severe, trips to the ER, stories to cover up how my arms were being broken , what I had done to cause such injuries till I stopped going I hid the bruises, hid the cuts burns, managed the pain of fractures, but I wasn't as good at hiding the emotional scars of it all with my family,I hid them as long as I could out of fear for their safety.till one day my brother saw bruises on my neck and refused to take my answer of how it happened, I had to beg him to be quiet that I promised I could handle it.If I could go back I would have let him handle his way that day but it was my battle not his or anyone else's .

For months I put on a front of life being "GOOD" and it seemed to work, till one night I came home from work, the second my feet entered the kitchen the war was on, it lasted 13 hours and ended with me unconscious on the front yard , pouring rain and him thinking he had did what I think he had set out to do, I listened as he walked away but I couldn't get up. hours later I got into the house , stayed there 3 days before calling my brother to come help me, I spent 13 days in the hospital , lost my right kidney but I was alive I had won the fight, that was what I had thought to be the end, a nasty divorce, many trips to court, protection orders , and finally he got 5 years in jail, how does 5 years in jail cell make up for daily beatings , mind altering cruelty, taking away every ounce of humanity you have , the night mares the fear the memories , how is it fair he spends his 5 years in a jail with all the amenities,and I got a life of scars emotional and physical I don't know how to heal.Its one day at a time... but I was so relieved to get 5 years peace, to this day there are court dates for events that have happened but I am ALIVE, I won my fight and to hear women say they can't get out, I can relate to that fear is a powerful thing but it can be done NEVER give up fight for your freedom , tell someone anyone a stranger, just tell someone, don't stay silent ,silence can be life threatening it can be deadly.

There is a description of what happens to elephants that are chained for an extended period of time. Chain his ankle for a few hours or days, and he still fights to get out. Chain him for over months (not accurately sure of the time) and you can safely remove the chain from his ankle; because his MIND has him locked in, for good. He won't try to run anymore; because he DOESN'T BELIEVE HE C A N .There is a whole new world out there, for you to explore. Your husband your partner, your boyfriend,is not (Actually, no human being is.) your world. They don't take up any more space on this planet, than you do. I met a lady about 7 years ago at a shop I would go into , we became friends , good friends and I lost my friend last year, She was in an abusive relationship,I told her about my past, she would say but he's different now, She stayed, in spite of the threats, the graduated slaps which graduated into punches and when he'd literally KICK her out of the house, (after the merciless beating) into the front yard; telling her to get the h__ out of his house, she'd beg him to let her STAY.That is not LOVE he showed; but contempt. She was co-dependent. Look that word up. She DIED from internal bleeding caused by years of aggravated abuse that had gotten more severe and frequent, as the years went by.You may not know what love really is. Many of us don't, until we find true love and recognize the obvious difference. You need to love YOURSELF, ENOUGH TO LEAVE. What you will leave behind you, is way more dangerous and deadly; than the unknown world ahead of you. Dying at the hands of someone you love is a pathetic way to go; when you realize how little you mean to that one you are sacrificing yourself for. The saddest part is the fact that you think so little of yourself. If you won't fight for you... If you won't demand respect... If you don't count yourself worthy of far better treatment, than who will? If you don't R U N, WHILE YOU CAN, you might as well start planning for your funeral. You are committing slow suicide,and the Sadistic SOBS that say women ask for this well I hope you can lay down at night and sleep knowing the statements you have proclaimed to be true, I hope that you never have to feel what a woman feels at the hands of her abuser, I hope God has mercy on your soul, because your gonna need it to keep from splitting hell wide open..