Adam

Today I was looking thru some old photos of our first year together..I remember the day I first saw you I knew God had created you to be my son and it was meant for me to be your Momma...sitting in that court room waiting for him to sign off on the adoption papers was the scariest and happiest moments of my life,,I was scared of failing you not being the best I could be for you and Papa sat me down and said to me.. Love him with all you have in you and he will grow from it and he was right, Love was the beginning and it was so easy to love you, it was instantaneous.. and is unending.. but in this photo I'm now holding ..

You were sitting in your gray, high chair the one we got from cousin Lena, laughing at something silly while I was trying to set the camera up... You were doing your best to repeat words I was saying to you and giggling at the same time...I remember it like it was yesterday.. I do..

I sat there for a while this morning, with a smile on my face as tears streamed down my cheeks.

I miss those deep, baby giggles. I miss jumbled words that I only I could understand. I miss that naked baby belly.

I miss holding you until you fell asleep on my chest. I miss singing your favorite song. I miss rocking you back and forth in our old recliner.

I miss getting on the floor and stacking blocks with you. I miss looking into your sweet baby eyes and feeding you a bottle. I miss the way you would reach up and grunt when you wanted me to hold you.

I miss the way the top of your head smelled. I miss buttoning your little onesies. I miss counting your little pudgy toes and squeezing your chubby thighs. I miss kissing you all over. I miss holding you all night. I miss so so so many things about the baby you used to be.

I miss all the in between's from then till now, I miss the days of you and me against the world it seemed. I miss our late night talks about life and what you wanted to do when you grew up, I miss the arguing over staying out late, the lectures on not following the crowds to stand out be you not everyone else.. I miss the nights worrying when you were out late,, I miss the look of excitement as a lil boy on Christmas mornings, the looks of proudness on your biggest fish catch,, the look of love sweet love with your first crush,,I miss the days of having you here every night.. but my job is half way done , I gave you all the patience that was within me, I showed you what respect, compassion, and discipline were, I showed you what hard work could do and I loved you more than I knew that love could exist in a human heart.my heart .I showed you all these things and without force you learned them all and with as much power as I had shown them to you when I saw each of these things emerge I knew my job would soon take another turn and were at that point now..more than watching you grow then I am even more excited for you now..

I am excited about the man you are becoming. I am captivated by the character you are developing. I am proud of the passions you are pursuing. I am in awe of the work ethics you are creating.

I am so dang impressed at the way you treat everyone around you. I am standing on the sidelines wildly applauding the way you think about other people’s feelings. I am the biggest fan of the heart you had then, the heart you have now, and the heart you will have as you continue to grow into this man you are today..

Yes, I’ll probably always cry when I look back happy tears sad tears just Mommas tears... and remember those days, That’s just what mommas do, but please know how excited I am waiting to witness the amazing things you will accomplish in this life., how anxiously I am awaiting to watch the wonderful attributes you will have, how patiently I am praying for you to grow into the amazing man God is forming before my very eyes.

I miss the baby you used to be, but ohhhhh my love, I am more loving the awesome adult you are today, I love this job this amazing job called Mom :)and will always support you and love you with whatever decisions you make in this life, I hope someday you pass on all these things you have learned from me and those that love you so dearly. I love you Adam and am SO SO SO proud to call you my son. my gift from Heaven above, I know God had reasons for taking Kaitlyn from us so soon I thank God everyday for allowing me to have you here,to have this chance to see all these things come true with you. I love you my son with every ounce of my being..Always know I am here for you no matter what.. My heart is over filled right now ..

Love Mom

P.S> If I were live to be a hundred I will always let you know how much I love you and how proud I am of you,, it;s my job ..:)♥♥♥