Love has no boundaries

Life is hard.not just now but it seems it has always been that way and it is something I struggle with daily, trying to hold on too tightly to those I love,I've always thought if I could just hold on tight they won't go or if could be this or that they will stay,, and its taken me so long to realize Love needs room to grow to expand and to last,,it has to happen in time and no matter how hard you want it or how hard you try you can not make someone love you ..I wasn't prepared for the life I've lived when I was a kid , I don't think they thought ever occurred to me.I never occurs to anyone it just happens... Difficulties were hidden, whispered about and kept secret. I was Dad's little girl, funny, carefree and invincible! That all stopped when I was 7 I think that was the beginning of many self importance doubts.Of a lifetime of fears and stumbling blocks. it was then I suddenly learned how raw life could be having a broken family having being told you ruined someones life, Sure it happened when I was a kid to not just me but all 5 of us so how do you learn to let go of such pain.. Navigating the unknown highways of your Mother hating you and leaving while your Dads heart was breaking yet he was keeping our family alive and together without getting lost seemed impossible, But he did it, he kept us all together., He didn't give up on us instead he loved us twice as much as he was raising us as a single parent.Its natural to want to hide pain, run from it, and keep it behind closed doors. So when it came to us, when life threw that curve ball – we were kids but now that were older our reaction to that day is shock anger and for me I feel hate sometimes.. instead of saying to ourselves and to each other – “life happens and so do curve balls; we will get through this.” It took us time to be able to say and understand that. It seems my brothers and I were brought up in a “disposable society.” I didn't realize that until we had real problems, and I was forced to think about it… that we were living with an insidious and subliminal message that anything can be replaced if its broken (even people).And Mom did just that she replaced us with any man who would have her for the night.Even to this day I think we all have to fight through our journey our own way in order to find the answers. We were lucky that we were able to look into each others eyes, cry together, and hold each others’ hands.Even if we never said a word or talked about it the ghost of her was always with us... And when we couldn’t, fight the feeling of her we were most lucky that a few of us were able to find courage and some kind of forgiveness to move on.To this day I can't do that I can not forgive her for what she has caused my entire life and that is feeling I just don;t belong anywhere .that how could I be what someone needs if she didn't even want me...We stayed strong for each other when the other was weak. We cried, too. We felt alone. It wasn't easy. It was never easy. It still isn't always easy. We fought for our love, our relationship, and our life. Staying together and loving despite the unknown highways of having been a throw away kid by your own Mother..Life is hard; it is imperfect; it is challenging. When you say,”I love you,” today, will you mean, “I accept this challenge? I agree to stand by you during the most difficult and trying times?” It’s easy to love when you are having fun… but if you are able to love when tested in every cell of your body – that is LOVE.Love, true love, is respect, caring, holding the hand of someone you love, not just when you are happy (that is the easy part)… but true love is grasping hands, never letting go, holding hands close to your heart when you are mad, when things are the toughest, when you don’t understand the other person’s reaction or grief, when you need so desperately the acknowledgment of something that the other person is not getting or giving. True love, as said so wisely by Maya Angelou: “….recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it’s destination full of hope.”I feel blessed that when I look into the eyes of those that I love. And I am blessed to know that when I say “I love you,” my “loves” understand and know what that truly means…True love is down right hard, nitty gritty, and really bad sometimes. There is nothing else like it in the entire word tho...I am not embarrassed to say out loud or to you, Thank you for loving me and allowing me to love you. I You are the breath of my soul…. love has no boundaries.Not 700 miles not 7 bazillion.. love is unstoppable , it is the strongest force on earth..and I have had to fight some hard battles so I'm prepared for this one..