Inside peeking out

Inside of all of us there is a need and a desire to be heard, to have our innermost thoughts and feelings expressed for others to hear, to see and to understand. We all want to matter to somebody, to leave a mark. Writers just take those thoughts, feelings and desires, and express them in such a way that the reader not only reads them but feels them as well. But I wouldn’t call myself a writer – just a girl with a lot of thoughts, having the hard time putting them into words. There is my pen, in this case – the keyboard buttons I press, that actually make discoveries about my feelings, and bring the desire to inspire. That way I keep being reminded that looking into the world with an honest and open heart is about sharing the unpolished parts of myself, rather than showing the polished ones. It’s about accepting the person I am. Sure, it takes courage to become who you really are. Maybe it requires too much change or taking a big risk. And so you might rationalize that it’s not the right time, and convince yourself to put it off for a while. But your mind keeps finding pieces of your real self wherever you look. Did you notice how much thicker some books seem every time you re-read them? As if something were left between the pages and lines with your every touch. Dreams, feelings, sounds, smells, probably pieces of chocolate, and then, when you look at them sometime later, you find yourself there, too. A slightly younger self, slightly different, as if the book had preserved you like a pressed flower – both strange and familiar. And then comes the nostalgia. But don’t be afraid to confront it. Just keep reading, and be curious. And if somebody says to you: “Things are this way. You can’t change it” – don’t believe a word. Question, explore, learn, dare, speak, taste, touch, smell, walk back, walk forward, hide, seek, and most importantly- listen. To be honest, I’m not always the best listener but I listen fully and with an open heart adn an open mind, and I often hear what people say, and I hear too much of what they don’t say. It takes the strength to see into someone’s cracks and let them see into yours. That’s when we stop looking at ideas of each other – like looking at the window shade, but never seeing inside. Once the vessel cracks, the light gets in, and out. And that might just be the biggest, most exciting new beginning of all. On the inside, looking out,and the start of new things in life.